i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
4 words: hood of his car
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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