i just had sex bonerless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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