I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
