The maid of honor just puked.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
