elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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