Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
