After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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