I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
