I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
