I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
