I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
