i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my poor anus
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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