If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sarcasm needs its own font
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
