a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
