Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
