omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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