So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
