Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
