She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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