i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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