Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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