i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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