Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
