I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Even my vagina gasped.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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