I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
