his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
