I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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