the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
