What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
