It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
