Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
