Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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