So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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