He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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