In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
