Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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