kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
