I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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