bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
BRING THE BAGELS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
