i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
