i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
