We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think a kid would responsible me up
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
