Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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