Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
