I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
