I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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