your parents love me but you hate me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
