I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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