ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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