What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
