the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
