I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
