I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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